How to discover your life purpose in about 20 minutes

How do you discover your real purpose in life? I’m not talking about your job, your daily responsibilities, or even your long-term goals. I mean the real reason why you’re here at all — the very reason you exist.

Perhaps you’re a rather nihilistic person who doesn’t believe you have a purpose and that life has no meaning. Doesn’t matter. Not believing that you have a purpose won’t prevent you from discovering it, just as a lack of belief in gravity won’t prevent you from tripping. All that a lack of belief will do is make it take longer, so if you’re one of those people, just change the number 20 in the title of this blog entry to 40 (or 60 if you’re really stubborn). Most likely though if you don’t believe you have a purpose, then you probably won’t believe what I’m saying anyway, but even so, what’s the risk of investing an hour just in case?

Here’s a story about Bruce Lee which sets the stage for this little exercise. A master martial artist asked Bruce to teach him everything Bruce knew about martial arts. Bruce held up two cups, both filled with liquid. “The first cup,” said Bruce, “represents all of your knowledge about martial arts. The second cup represents all of my knowledge about martial arts. If you want to fill your cup with my knowledge, you must first empty your cup of your knowledge.”

If you want to discover your true purpose in life, you must first empty your mind of all the false purposes you’ve been taught (including the idea that you may have no purpose at all).

So how to discover your purpose in life? While there are many ways to do this, some of them fairly involved, here is one of the simplest that anyone can do. The more open you are to this process, and the more you expect it to work, the faster it will work for you. But not being open to it or having doubts about it or thinking it’s an entirely idiotic and meaningless waste of time won’t prevent it from working as long as you stick with it — again, it will just take longer to converge.

Here’s what to do:

1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type (I prefer the latter because it’s faster).
2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

That’s it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a counselor or an engineer or a bodybuilder. To some people this exercise will make perfect sense. To others it will seem utterly stupid. Usually it takes 15-20 minutes to clear your head of all the clutter and the social conditioning about what you think your purpose in life is. The false answers will come from your mind and your memories. But when the true answer finally arrives, it will feel like it’s coming to you from a different source entirely.

For those who are very entrenched in low-awareness living, it will take a lot longer to get all the false answers out, possibly more than an hour. But if you persist, after 100 or 200 or maybe even 500 answers, you’ll be struck by the answer that causes you to surge with emotion, the answer that breaks you. If you’ve never done this, it may very well sound silly to you. So let it seem silly, and do it anyway.

As you go through this process, some of your answers will be very similar. You may even re-list previous answers. Then you might head off on a new tangent and generate 10-20 more answers along some other theme. And that’s fine. You can list whatever answer pops into your head as long as you just keep writing.

At some point during the process (typically after about 50-100 answers), you may want to quit and just can’t see it converging. You may feel the urge to get up and make an excuse to do something else. That’s normal. Push past this resistance, and just keep writing. The feeling of resistance will eventually pass.

You may also discover a few answers that seem to give you a mini-surge of emotion, but they don’t quite make you cry — they’re just a bit off. Highlight those answers as you go along, so you can come back to them to generate new permutations. Each reflects a piece of your purpose, but individually they aren’t complete. When you start getting these kinds of answers, it just means you’re getting warm. Keep going.

It’s important to do this alone and with no interruptions. If you’re a nihilist, then feel free to start with the answer, “I don’t have a purpose,” or “Life is meaningless,” and take it from there. If you keep at it, you’ll still eventually converge.

When I did this exercise, it took me about 25 minutes, and I reached my final answer at step 106. Partial pieces of the answer (mini-surges) appeared at steps 17, 39, and 53, and then the bulk of it fell into place and was refined through steps 100-106. I felt the feeling of resistance (wanting to get up and do something else, expecting the process to fail, feeling very impatient and even irritated) around steps 55-60. At step 80 I took a 2-minute break to close my eyes, relax, clear my mind, and to focus on the intention for the answer to come to me — this was helpful as the answers I received after this break began to have greater clarity.

Here was my final answer: to live consciously and courageously, to resonate with love and compassion, to awaken the great spirits within others, and to leave this world in peace.

When you find your own unique answer to the question of why you’re here, you will feel it resonate with you deeply. The words will seem to have a special energy to you, and you will feel that energy whenever you read them.

Discovering your purpose is the easy part. The hard part is keeping it with you on a daily basis and working on yourself to the point where you become that purpose.

If you’re inclined to ask why this little process works, just put that question aside until after you’ve successfully completed it. Once you’ve done that, you’ll probably have your own answer to why it works. Most likely if you ask 10 different people why this works (people who’ve successfully completed it), you’ll get 10 different answers, all filtered through their individual belief systems, and each will contain its own reflection of truth.

Obviously, this process won’t work if you quit before convergence. I’d guesstimate that 80-90% of people should achieve convergence in less than an hour. If you’re really entrenched in your beliefs and resistant to the process, maybe it will take you 5 sessions and 3 hours, but I suspect that such people will simply quit early (like within the first 15 minutes) or won’t even attempt it at all. But if you’re drawn to read this blog (and haven’t been inclined to ban it from your life yet), then it’s doubtful you fall into this group.

Give it a shot 

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/01/how-to-discover-your-life-purpose-in-about-20-minutes/

12 Rude Revelations About Sex

In order to transcend the discomfort that sex typically stirs, you may need to radically rethink desire, marriage, fidelity, and much more.

By Alain de Botton, published on January 02, 2013 - last reviewed on January 02, 2013

Sex, we have been led to believe, is as natural as breathing. But in fact, contends British philosopher Alain de Botton, it is "close to rocket science in complexity." It's not only a powerful force, it's often contrary to many other things we care about. Sex inherently sets up conflicts within us. We crave sex with people we don't know or love. It makes us want to do things that seem immoral or degrading, like slapping someone or being tied up. We feel awkward asking the people we love for the sex acts we really want.
There's no denying that sex has its sweaty charms, and in its most exquisite moments dissolves the isolation that embodied life imposes on us. But those moments are rare, the exception rather than the rule, says de Botton, founder of London's School of Life. "Sex is always going to cause us headaches; it's not something we can miraculously grow relaxed about." We suffer privately, feeling "painfully strange about the sex we are either longing to have or struggling to avoid."

If we turn to sex books to help us work out this central experience of our lives, we are typically assured that most problems are mechanical, a matter of method. In his own new book, How to Think More About Sex, de Botton makes the case that our difficulties stem more from the multiplicity of things we want out of life, or the accrual of everyday resentments, or the weirdness of the sex drive itself. Here are some of the most basic questions it answers. —The Editors

Why do most people lie about their true desires?

It is rare to go through life without feeling that we are somehow a bit odd about sex. It is an area in which most of us have a painful impression, in our heart of hearts, that we are quite unusual. Despite being one of the most private activities, sex is nevertheless surrounded by a range of powerfully socially sanctioned ideas that codify how normal people are meant to feel about and deal with the matter. In truth, however, few of us are remotely normal sexually. We are almost all haunted by guilt and neuroses, by phobias and disruptive desires, by indifference and disgust. We are universally deviant—but only in relation to some highly distorted ideals of normality.
Most of what we are sexually remains impossible to communicate with anyone whom we would want to think well of us. Men and women in love instinctively hold back from sharing more than a fraction of their desires out of a fear, usually accurate, of generating intolerable disgust in their partners.
Nothing is erotic that isn't also, with the wrong person, revolting, which is precisely what makes erotic moments so intense: At the precise juncture where disgust could be at its height, we find only welcome and permission. Think of two tongues exploring the deeply private realm of the mouth—that dark, moist cavity that no one but our dentist usually enters. The privileged nature of the union between two people is sealed by an act that, with someone else, would horrify them both.
What unfolds between a couple in the bedroom is an act of mutual reconciliation between two secret sexual selves emerging at last from sinful solitude. Their behavior is starkly at odds with the behavior expected of them by the civilized world. At last, in the semi-darkness a couple can confess to the many wondrous and demented things that having a body drives them to want.

Why is sex more difficult to talk about in this era, not less?

Whatever discomfort we feel around sex is commonly aggravated by the idea that we belong to a liberated age—and ought by now to be finding sex a straightforward and untroubling matter, a little like tennis, something that everyone should have as often as possible to relieve the stresses of modern life.
The narrative of enlightenment and progress skirts an unbudging fact: Sex is not something we can ever expect to feel easily liberated from. It is a fundamentally disruptive and overwhelming force, at odds with the majority of our ambitions and all but incapable of being discreetly integrated within civilized society. Sex is not fundamentally democratic or kind. It refuses to sit neatly on top of love. Tame it though we might try, it tends to wreak havoc across our lives; it leads us to destroy our relationships, threatens our productivity, and compels us to stay up too late in nightclubs talking to people whom we don't like but whose exposed midriffs we wish to touch. Our best hope should be for a respectful accommodation with an anarchic and reckless power.

How is sex a great lie detector?

Involuntary physiological reactions such as the wetness of a vagina and the stiffness of a penis are emotionally so satisfying (which means, simultaneously, so erotic) because they signal a kind of approval that lies utterly beyond rational manipulation. Erections and lubrication simply cannot be effected by willpower and are therefore particularly true and honest indices of interest. In a world in which fake enthusiasms are rife, in which it is often hard to tell whether people really like us or whether they are being kind to us merely out of a sense of duty, the wet vagina and the stiff penis function as unambiguous agents of sincerity.
A kiss is pleasurable because of the sensory receptivity of our lips, but a good deal of our excitement has nothing to do with the physical dimension of the act: It stems from the simple realization that someone else likes us quite a lot.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201212/12-rude-revelations-about-sex

Top 2 Things Men are Terrified Of (and How to Help Without Letting Them Know You Know)

He will never tell you any of this.

In fact, he's dying to read this article, but he would never let you catch him doing it, and he certainly won't admit to wanting to know if his deep, dark secrets are hanging out like underwear on a clothesline. In the front yard. In the middle of a busy city. (Hah!)

Well, he won't tell you, but I will.

But first, two warnings:

First, this isn't a complete list. Of course! But I think these are the two biggest ones. (I'm working on more articles about a few of the others...)

Second, I'm not telling you so you can shame him. I'm doing this so you can help him. But you have to be sneaky, so that he doesn't know. Be nice to your man – he worships the ground you walk on, and believe me, he knows a few of your dirty dark secrets, too.

On to the juice, shall we?

GUY FEAR #1: My sexual desires are NOT okay

I won't tell you that old thing about how guys want waaay more sex that women do, because it's actually not true. Women want it, we just want it under different terms. He just... wants it. Every possible way he can imagine it. With your sister, your mom, the librarian (definitely the librarian), the teenager snapping her gum behind the cash register. He's even had a dirty fantasy about that weird shopping cart lady.

Sex movies of every description (multiple lovers, bondage, fetish, you name it) run in his brain nearly all the time, and sometimes what's showing on the screen shocks even him.

Deep down, he's terrified that he wants sex too much, or in the wrong ways, with the wrong people. His sex drive is a formidable machine, and it's a testament to his power that he doesn't let it drive his life, only his brain.

What YOU can do to help him

Creating an atmosphere of openness in your intimate life with him is the first step in making him feel less scared about his sexual desire. I'm not saying you have to DO everything that he THINKS about, but be willing to ask him to talk about his fantasies. Invite him to give you steamy details. Even the act of sharing can be a tremendous gift of sexual energy between the two of you.

Help him learn to make YOU the star of his sexual mind shows, even if all you do is tell him a dirty story during foreplay.

And finally, don't forget to let him know you're sexually satisfied! If you can do this, he's going to become so riveted by you he'll never want to let you go. EVERY man wants to know he can sexually satisfy a woman.

GUY FEAR #2: Other men will think I'm weak

You gotta feel for the men of our world. They're expected to get a respectable paycheck, make us feel secure, (not think about sex so much), beat out the other guys, support the winning team, be tough, overcome all the obstacles in their way, scare away the bad guys, and never show fatigue, fear, or ANYthing except sheer strength and confidence.

It's a lot to live up to.

It's impossible to live up to, actually.

And yet that's the challenge they hear every single day. And if they don't answer it – actually DOMINATE it – their fear is that they will be publicly shamed, humiliated, despised... Not so much by you or by other women (although they hate the idea of that, too), but by other MEN.

But that doesn't mean YOU don't have power. Every man wants a woman who is unreservedly, whole-heartedly ON HIS SIDE. Your support actually adds to his power in the world of other men.

What YOU can do to help him

I have a question for you: if he's fighting away on the field of his life, do you ever even show up at his game? And if you do, can he hear your enthusiastic, genuine support for him?

I'm not saying you have to actually get out your cheerleader skirt and shimmy and shout (although he'll probably appreciate that, see #1 above!), but there IS a way to let him know you're seeing how hard he works, and you want him to win.

Encourage him to tell you about his daily battles. Lean in and attentively soak up every bit. Ask for details. Don't multitask while you're doing this; give him your full focus. Be his raving fan.

And offer him your sincere admiration. Let him know how strong you find him, how amazing his accomplishments and abilities are. If you can make him feel like you believe in him and are on his side no matter what, you are going to ADDICT him to you.

3 Steps to make a man love you

If you're sick of "Bad Boys," "Players" and guys
who just won't commit, you need to go watch this
new video renowned relationship expert Michael Fiore put up. It's called "3 Steps To Make A Man Love You" and 
it teaches you how to make a man not just "fall" for a you... But to actually
make him obsessed with you so HE decides he WANTS to be serious...

--> Make him powerfully addicted (in a really good way) to you!

Michael lays out the absolute truth about what men
really want and need from a woman for them to be able
to give EVERYTHING to her... (In fact, he flat out tells you how his girlfriend Captured
His Heart and made him fall for her HARD even though
he was "playing the field" and thought he'd never settle down.)

To Find Out More

http://tinyurl.com/dy4gmye

Are You a Man Magnet?

Are You a Man Magnet? How to Find the Love You Deserve

By LizzieP

+ enlarge

Do you ever feel like you’ll never find “The One”? Have you been involved with a string of selfish and inconsiderate commitment phobes? Or, are you divorced and bitter, certain that in the love game, you’ve been dealt a bad hand?

Read on. There is hope that you will find what you want most deeply—a good relationship with someone who loves you dearly. 

The path of true love has never run smooth for me. Until a couple of years ago, my relationships ranged from blah to bad, with a few happy moments early on. I just wasn’t a good picker, I guess. And once I was in, I would struggle to “make it work” only to end up resentful that my needs were at the bottom of the pile. 

But that’s all different now. In the middle of middle age, I found and married my true love. He fulfills me on every level. He is kind, intelligent, very funny, and yes—hot.

What changed? Well, after my second (!) divorce, I realized that I was still attractive, vibrant, and young enough to find a new relationship. I still wanted to. None of that bitter, “All men are bastards,” divorcee-crap for me. And this time I wasn’t going to settle for Mr. Dysfunction. No sir. 

I guess I went through a little mini-renaissance. I stepped up my visits to the gym, grew my hair and bought a bunch of cute clothes. My friends commented that “I glowed.” Yeah. Getting out from under that draining relationship brought me back to life. 

Lesson #1: Being true to a positive you is the best revenge.

I went out on the town. By myself, if I couldn’t get a girlfriend to come along. I was scared at first. I stood by my car at the local pub for at least ten minutes. Then I thought, “Heck, if I don’t like it, I’ll have one drink and leave. What’s the big deal?” So I went in and had a great time. Ran into some friends, danced, got asked out to dinner. 

Every week I went out at least once. Sometimes I couldn’t get my single friends to go. “I want to stay in and watch a video.” Hello! You won’t meet anyone in your living room!

Lesson #2: Get out there, even if it is outside your comfort zone. Especially if it is outside your comfort zone.

Once you’re out—or anywhere, work, running errands, etc.—cultivating an approachable demeanor is key. I thank author Mama Gena for this one. She talks about appreciating each man you meet. That means smiling. Saying hello. Thanking them when they open the door, ’cause they will now. 

If you walk around, eyes straight ahead, the walls up, lost in your little world, you won’t meet anyone. There could be tons of great guys everywhere on your daily path. You just don’t see them. I was asked for a date at the auto parts store while buying a windshield washer blade. I asked a nice guy’s advice, he helped me and even installed it for me. Then he asked me to go for a drink. Unfortunately I couldn’t, as I was getting ready for a dinner date that night. 

Of course, use your good sense. If you’re walking a dark city street you might not want to say hello to those thugs in the alley. 

Lesson #3: Be open, friendly and approachable. Treat men like potential friends, not “the enemy.”

That brings me to a key point. How many women have you heard bad-mouth men? “There are no good ones left.” “Men suck.” “All men are dogs.” Yeah, some are not good partnership choices. I know. But having a bad attitude toward men, being suspicious and bitchy, won’t bring you love. Nice guys don’t want to be around a negative, nasty woman. 

There are a lot of good guys out there. Check out a personals site. Maybe you won’t find anyone who cooks your noodle, but read the profiles. There are a lot of lonely, regular guys who just want to find a good relationship. Most of them are victims of the marital wars, too, only they had the dysfunctional spouse. Believe it or not, there are a lot of whacked out women who dump on nice men. Then they freak out when he finally divorces them. My honey is in that category. 

Lesson #4: Having a positive attitude will help you attract positive people.

Another key step is identifying what you want. I read something that said to list the five top traits you were looking for. Mine were: intelligent, compassionate, good sense of humor, mature and “a doer.” I also threw in “good father” as most men in my age bracket are dads. I figured someone who is a good father is likely a caring, responsible adult. Very attractive. 

Lesson #5: You have to know what you want before you can find it.

Meditate on the kind of relationship you want, too. Picture it. Someone who is good to you. Someone you trust. Someone loyal who likes you. Like a friend with real benefits. If any doubts or fears crop up when you think about this, work on it. You may have blocks that are preventing you from finding love. Like, you don’t think you deserve it. 

Lesson #6: Believe yourself worthy of receiving as well as giving love. 

http://www.divinecaroline.com/love-sex/are-you-man-magnet-how-find-love-you-deserve